I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
