this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
honey bunches of taint.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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