Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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