Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i love accidental penises.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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