Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
