Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
