Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
