Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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