dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
