took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
