If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
