Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
