Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
