i just google imaged poop.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
