I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
