If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Welp...herpes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize