Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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