Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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