You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
