and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
