I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
