I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
