It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
