Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
