Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
