i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
