Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
