I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
