if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
