Don't you send me to vm
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
