My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
