hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
