I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
