Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
