I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
