Redeem this text for a blowjob
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
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