Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
