I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
