so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
