you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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