Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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