Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
