im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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