I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
