oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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