dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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