I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Still dying that you shit outside
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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