I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
