just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
