meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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