my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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