Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
