i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
