I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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