The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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