Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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