I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
