I think my vagina is haunted
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
