dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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