Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
