We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She bit a glass in half.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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