last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
