I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize