Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
