he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
