I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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