super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
