i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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