don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
