guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
