i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
