i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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